She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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