Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
