if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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