And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
