Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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