i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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