I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
