have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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