He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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