just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
