So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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