you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
