I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
