I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just had sex on a roof
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
