i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
