I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
