i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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