i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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