i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
