So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Come share oat with me in your robe
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
