he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
