Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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