So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
