If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I supernannyed him into submission
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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