all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
