Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We were destined to go to rehab together
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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