I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
