The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
