the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My feet surprised me
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
