why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
