his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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