You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
