i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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