You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
