look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
