I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
