I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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