People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
