Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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