He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
