I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
