Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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