Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
