bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
