Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
