Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
