ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
