..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
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