no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you would pick up someone in the library
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
