i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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