So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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